My beagle's a bottle blond

I'm standing in the bathtub, feet covered in vomit, wrestling with the dog, my fingers in his mouth and down his throat, trying to wrench his mouth open ...

If you want to know a good way to get your dog to barf, you've come to the wrong blog*. If you want to know some bad techniques, here are a few

• hydrogen peroxide
• outside
• by yourself
• at night
• being nice

However, these are excellent techniques for dousing yourself, your dog, your pants, your shirt, the lawn and the inside of the sleeves of your leather jacket in hydrogen peroxide. I'm surprised Barky's coat wasn't the color of Marilyn's hair the next morning. I'm surprised my hair wasn't gray. OK, more gray.

If you want to know how to get a beagle named Barky to barf, I suggest table salt, which you'll only be able to get down his gullet after you've firmly pinned him in the bathtub and gotten Mama to administer the salt.

And not letting him out of the bathtub until he's chundered. Unless you want to scoop up a bowl full of partially digested dog food from the bathroom floor as well as the tub.

OK, that's enough lessons learned for one night.


*Seriously, go here to find out how from a pro--don't worry, you won't see a dog vomit. Actually, this is more thorough, showing you how to actually get the job done...again, have no fear...no vomit.

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