Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Losing my religion, my wallet, my glasses, my phone. . .

There have been questions from some of the loyal six readers of this blog about how exhausted we are here at the Bradstein Household and how we're coping with it. Let me start off by reminding you that two Bradsteins are getting all the rest they need:

This is Barky's idea of what to do at a dog park. Yes, once you're off leash, find a comfortable patch of dirt and make like it's the couch. That's exactly why I drove down here, took you off your leash, and am standing here parboiling my brain in the oppressive heat: so you could take a nap. And, way to get the dirt inside your ear, too.

Someone else is getting all the rest that he needs:

(Yes, we know that he should only be sleeping on his back, and not in the same zip code with any stuffed toys or pillows or . . . yes, we know all about SIDS. He wasn't in this position for more than about 30 seconds, and I was watching him the whole time. Just a few seconds before I took this, 3B had been curled up against Mama, nursing. When he fell asleep, she stepped out of the room to get something, telling me to watch him for a moment, until she came back to try nursing on the other side. He was so cute, and Puff was lying close by, I just couldn't resist. Besides, every baby needs a dragon to watch over them. It's amazing that Mama doesn't leave me alone with 3B more often, huh?)

The other two of us, however, are getting enough sleep, but never in the straight eight hours--OK, five or six--that we used to get before 3B came along. Now we get an hour here, two hours there, maybe another hour there, or some quiet time reading the paper with 3B snoozing on our chest or lap. When he's sleeping on one of us, we're struggle not to doze off ourselves because we know from all of the books that we've read that as soon as we fall asleep with him, we'll flip like a pancake and smother the little guy.

No, we don't really believe that, but we do try to be careful; usually one of us is actively awake while the other is soothing 3B to sleep.

Fortunately, our names aren't Homer and Marge, so all of this sleep cycle interruption hasn't led to any nuclear disasters, but there have been some side effects, such as losing anything that isn't an integral part of our bodies. Sure, we--OK, I--had that problem during pregnancy, but it seemed to accelerate in the three or four days after birth. For example, this is a picture of what we took to the doctor's office with us two days after birth:

We also had a fully stocked diaper bag, Mama's purse, and the camera. Why the camera? Hey, you never know when they're going to do a cute little swab or something. Anyway, want to guess how many of these items made it into the examining room with us?

  • Baby? Check.
  • Receiving blanket? Check.
  • Diaper bag? Check.
  • Mama's purse? Check.
  • Camera? Check.
Anything else? Bueller? Bueller?
Right, so we're listening to the doctor who is saying something with words, making little gestures, and prodding 3B as he lays on the examining table. Meanwhile, that's me in the corner, thinking, "This would all be much easier to follow if there had been more time before the appointment to drink some more coffee. Mmm. . .coffee. . .yes, we brought some. . .that's right. . .it was in the travel mug, which we put in. . .the diaper bag? It wasn't in Mama's purse. . .it wasn't with the camera. . .did we put it in the car seat?"

Car seat.

So, in the middle of the doctor's explanation of. . .something, I blurt out, "The car seat's in the waiting room." At which everyone looked at me like I was Rain Man, announcing how many toothpicks were on the floor.

Way to go, Papa. Way to show that you're paying attention.

Eventually, everything has turned up, including 3B's proof of birth letter, the reimbursement check from the insurance company for the manzanita, pacifiers, reminder notes we wrote, books, glasses, and even the car seat, which we found right where we left it in the waiting room. I'm sure that most of those items have come back to us thank to the St. Anne figurine that our fellow new parents sent us when they heard of 3B's arrival.

I'm just glad we didn't lose St. Anne.


  1. Anonymous11:49 PM

    He heh, Rain Man. That was funny.

    At least you remembered to take him to the doctor. PHC forgot Olivia's first doctor's appointment. See? You're ahead of the game:-)

  2. Yes, I can totally picture you blurting that out... At least the baby wasn't still in it. When my friends and I took a road trip to FL when we were seniors in high school, Karen left the gas cap on the top of the car and drove away. We made her feel better by saying, "Hey, at least it wasn't a baby in a car seat!"

    Barky and the dog park equals total amusement for me. He's such a laid back pooch!

  3. Anonymous2:10 PM

    ahhh i hate to break it to ya but i don't think it ever gets any better at least not for the first year...

    I'd lose my head if it werent attached... and if it donsn't have anything to do with the girls it usually gets forgotten behind somewhere....

    OK now that I have cheered you up:)

  4. Anonymous3:16 PM

    Sleep deprivation is a bitch, my friend. All I can say is that it's all worth it!

    By the way? 3B is ridiculously cute!

  5. It's good to know all of these things we've got ahead of us. Scary, but good to know...

  6. Can't wait for that pic to get posted around the preg-o-spere (sans explanation, of course). Let the blood-letting begin!

    Also, is it a bad sign that you have your shit together WAY better than I do, and I don't even have a kid yet?

  7. I always had nightmares that I would leave the baby somewhere. Never happened though.

    Duncan has a huge IKEA Minnen Drake dragon napping in his bed with him at this very moment. Stuffed reptiles are very important for child protection.