Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Mama and 3B sick. Barky crazy. Papa lazy. Send help. Or gin.

Thanks for asking, my back is still wrenched hard. Yesterday, I stayed home to take care of 3B while Mama rested (read Harry Potter) and slept behind closed doors. We've taken to closing our bedroom door at all times because that's easier than pulling him screaming away from the computer 15,673 times a day. We finally wised up and set the screen saver to require a password, so now he won't inadvertently reformat our hard drive by hammering his chubby mitts down on the keyboard, but still, 3B won't leave the thing alone, so we just keep our door closed now.

Of course, nothing could be so easy; every once in awhile, like several times a day, we end up closing Barky in our room. Since Barky has what his behaviorist called "confinement issues" (read: goes batshit crazy and will strip all the paint off the back of the door and the brass off of the doorknob when left alone in a room), this causes him to whine, tremble, and lift a paw. Each time we discover that we've done this to Barky and are trying to soothe him, 3B slips past us and begins playing Whack-a-MacMole on our keyboard. Never a dull moment.

Having 3B used to our bedroom door being closed, however, made it easier for him to accept that Mama was "gone" and would be "back later." Nothing like a little dishonesty between father and son to get the holiday season off to the right start.

And yet yesterday, with all of its lifting--get down off the toy bench, get down off the toy bench, get down off the toy bench, get down off the toy bench, get down off the toy bench, get down off the toy bench, get down off the toy bench, get down off the toy bench, get down off the toy bench, get down off the toy bench--and carrying was easier on my back than sitting in a chair all day at work today. When I left, I was walking bent over like the bastard love child of Quasimodo and the rusted Tin Man.

So, not wanting to sit here and think and type any longer than necessary, I was glad to see that one of you had asked a great question to write about and that another one of you had already answered it for me--and I was glad to see in the answer that someone finally came up with a use for those infernal crib mobiles.

Subscribe to the Bradstein feed--Vorsprung durch Technik!

Better by design
Or get new posts via email . . . Enter your email address:


  1. We do the "gone" & "back later" thing at our house too.
    Because if we didnt, I'd never get my school work done!

    ....3B needs one of those super-tough-plastic-my-first-laptop kiddie computers. So he'll have one of his own to beat the sh*t out of.

    And Barky....
    Poor Barky & his issues....

  2. You need to go see a good massage therapist, not those creepy gets busted by cops all the time kind either. My massage therapist can make the world a better place for me in just 30 minutes.

  3. I'd say first the chiropractor, and then the massage.

    Hey, you're not lying to 3B, you're telling him the truth in a way he can understand: Mama is "gone," into the other room! It's truthiness.

    Barky, I dunno. I'd say a dog therapist, but that would be taking things a little too far.

  4. I do not have any gin, but that reminds me to order the item I have selected for 3B for Christmas. He will like it, I promise.

    Moving seems to be good for your back, at least better than sitting in a chair all day. It brings to mind a study they did on folks with minor back ailments. The results indicated that taking OTC meds for pain and keeping moving were the fastest route to feeling better. It must have something to do with getting the circulation going.

  5. I want to be "gone" in my bedroom. Do you think a 3 week old will fall for that one?

  6. Christy: Totally. You could probably even be gone in the same room.

  7. Right here's your gin, baby: Second photo at the top of the page, and second from the last too.

    (Not sure whether you're supposed to take that internally or just massage it into your aching muscles.)

  8. Anonymous4:18 PM

    You guys still out of commission?

  9. I was going to do something else for you for Christmas but if all you want is gin, I can do that. I am old enough. My son will be old enough 12 days after Christmas and I don't want you to have to wait for him. Soon you will have to use the vaseline on the doorknob thing. But for now all 3B know how to do is use the computer.