Sunday, August 31, 2008

Sunday Funnies: Who's the best dad?

Now that the road years are over for us, and we'll all be home together for at least six weeks before our next trip, you'd think that life would have become easier, more simple, that we'd have settled back into our routine.

You'd be wrong.

We have settled back into our routine, although "settled" is the wrong word. "Been dropped onto the 1,000 RPM hamster wheel that is life with a toddler" is more accurate. On Friday morning, I got this note from Mama:

Just wanted to tell you how our morning went. We played tag, played in the bathroom sink, took a vigorous bath, made a mask, played the ukalele on stage and clogged, vaccuumed, guided planes into the runway using paintbrushes as sticks like the workers at the airport, and read a lot of Richard Scarry Dictionary. For lunch he had about 1/4 cup of peas and a tofu pup and some cheese and Ritz crackers. For breakfast he had some cake and some cheese and some yogurt drink. And that is about it.
In the time it took them to do all this, I had taken the bus to work, unpacked and connected my laptop, and gotten a cup of decaf. I'm such a slacker.

More simple? Not so much. Thursday night this week we went to our first school meeting, in which we learned all the things we haven't done to prepare for 3B's first year of preschool. Backpack! Winter clothes! No hitting other kids! Of course, rather than prepare for this, we've spent the weekend hanging out with friends and going to the playground.

3B will be going for two half days each week, which we originally set up because it looked like Mrs. K wouldn't have space for him this fall, due to the arrival of siblings of kids she currently has, and because his friend Little J was going to be going there. Mama needs at least a day each week when she can schedule meetings in the office, conference calls, and so forth to get her work done, and this seemed the best option.

Now, however, Mrs. K still has room for 3B, due to kids moving out, and Mama is more busy than ever at work, so we're going to be figuring out how to pick up and drop off 3B three days a week rather than just one, with two of the pick ups coming at midday. So much for settling into our old routine.

One part of our old routine that we are trying to get back into is seeing some friends who surmised from our lack of communication this summer that we moved to North Dakota in June, and so it is that we're going to see Liberal Banana and her fiance--no more calling him Boyfriend--tonight for dinner and a romp in their yard with their two dogs for 3B and Barky. It's been too long since we've seen them and besides, we can always swing by Target and pick up a backpack on our way to the first day of school, right?

We'd be in much worse shape if not for Mama, who did things like fill out and turn in all the school forms on time, as well as read all the fliers, handouts, and the parent handbook from school while I was over here musing about who's the best TV dad. As if I would know...both Mama and I are mainstream-impaired due to our almost total lack of TV knowledge--an ignorance that has its roots in childhoods during which we were forced outside to play, which leaves us unable to participate in 40% of idle chitchat.

We're trying to make up for that by spending as much of our adult lives as possible indoors, staring at our computer screens, which I think puts me on the best dad scale somewhere between Andy Griffith and Mr. Drummond, whose kid ended up fighting Vanilla Ice in a celebrity boxing match. For real.

Hell, we haven't even been able to fall back into that part of our routine--the computer part, not the fighting Vanilla Ice part--what with the beautiful weather we've been enjoying forcing us to spend most of our family time outside. Life is never as simple or easy as it appears; you can never turn your back on nature, it's always trying to trick you with sunshine, cool breezes, and beautiful and mysterious foggy mornings that lead to happiness, relaxation, and peace of mind.

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  1. Looks like I ned to comment one more time so my comment number will be an even one, and get me out of the 60s.

    I thought that you were the Beav. What are you doing trying to figure out if you would be a good TV dad? You are clearly not old enough for all of that. You will forever be the Beav to me.

    Nice for you to figure out what 'routine' really means.... 'Chaos' every day.

  2. Around here, routine starts tomorrow morning when the school bus arrives and I send the little one off. He has designs on riding his bike, but he wants to ride the bus the first day. We took a practice ride to school yesterday, and he did fine expept for the spectacular flip over the handlebars going up a driveway.

    His sister's routine involves sleeping as late as possible and racing out the door in time to slide into her parking slot and run to class. Breakfast is for the weak, of which she is not one. Her summer routine is pretty similar, without the race out the door part, so I doubt we will notice much change there.

  3. Anonymous6:21 PM

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! A routine? What's that?

    We received approximately 4,369 pieces of paper to read from the boy's new school. In the mornings we have to remember a backpack, folder, any coloring or other "homework" the boy wants to bring in, bus money, two snacks, the uniform all neat and tidy and tucked.... Then there are the regular school emails, and the website we're supposed to read. And let's not forget the lunch menu, and the school schedule.

    Just don't ask me when his school picture day is. It's some time after tomorrow, which is all I'm willing to retain at this point.

  4. KMoo: Here's hoping that I don't grow up like most TV kid stars and end up fighting Vanilla Ice or Milli or Vanilli.

    CAGirl: Wow. He survived the endo, then? That alone is impressive. As for his sister, I'm all about that. After all, I'm the one who used to get up shower, get dressed, then go back to bed before school.

    Amama: I hear you on all of that except the uniform. Uniform? That would put me over the edge. You are teaching him how to iron, right?

  5. Who told you that you could grow up?